some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
