You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
