I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize