the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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