He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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