used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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