i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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