i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
