Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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