I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
