I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize