He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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