I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
