Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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