So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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