He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize