Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
