i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
