YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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