Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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