I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
