alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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