My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
