college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
