ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
