i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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