just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You're like the curious george of whores
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
