thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i need some magic done to my vagina
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
