You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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