their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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