he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
