i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
