Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
