I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
