sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
