I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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