I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
