I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
