He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
