You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
