remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
