You're so nebulous sometimes
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
