and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
