All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
