I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
