Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
