I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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