dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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