ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
