Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
