Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you will always have a special place in my vag
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You dont lie about slip and slides
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
