so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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