You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize