just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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