Your mouth is God's brothel.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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