You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
