My liver just broke up with me...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
