Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
