How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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