Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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