420 ftw
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
