So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
