He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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