also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
