i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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