It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have already put on my inside pants.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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