i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
